To colour or not to colour: some midlife dilemmas, doubts and decisions

Nothing can be more feel-good and flattering than compliments on how we look, especially from friends we meet after a long time. "Oh, you haven't changed a bit." “You look the same...age hasn't touched you" etc. And believe me, it really brings a smile on your face to hear such mutually admiring talk. Our obsession with looking younger and what it has got to do with feeling younger is difficult to discuss in the scope of this writeup. However, of late, I seem to have been thinking about this intriguing phase in life and how it becomes a subject of most of our discussions and the opportunities it brings while are in transition. And I don't wish to intellectualize by questioning or talking about the billion rupee industry that promises our share of elixir from the fountain of everyouth and all that blah blah...doesn't make sense when we unwittingly subscribe to the common notion of youngness across India.

Well, the truth is, naturally, we are all ageing. How gracefully is left to us. By the way, we never discuss or divulge age, it's socially inappropriate to ask or reveal how old one is! Let me put it this way: siblings, cousins and friends -some of us are fast approaching the forties, some have entered the fiery forties, some are midway and some are about to hit their fifties. Yes, my generation is into midlife! But why is this phase often called a crisis, I wondered? To me it depends on how we take it - the visible and invisible signs of ageing. I've always seen them as opportunities to try new things, to learn something new and to change and adapt and grow. Of course, there may have been some frustrating moments when I couldn't dismiss age simply as a number, occasionally reminded by my general physician.

Colour colour, what colour...
Hair and skin have generally been the most visible targets in all talks about aging. If LÓreals and Olays of the world can help us look and feel good and confident why not try them. The decision to colour our hair can be a tough one though. But once decided, it's no big deal. Not sure, if others agree with me on this topic. Some may prefer the greying-pepper-and-salt look for whatever reason.  And receding hairlines and hairloss? That’s a different topic altogether.

Just give in...

Many things tempt us and we begin to resist them considering our figure, fitness and form. Resisting, especially in case of food, makes us crave for more! It's good to give in and binge on stuff that we love to eat, at least once in a while. And what about dressing? So what if your size has changed to from 'L' to 'XL',  just try that outfit, not worrying too much about how it looks on you. For all you know, you make be making a new sartorial statement in your new look.

Just do it!

I feel this is the best time to fulfil all those small dreams we nurtured for long. That hobby we longed to pursue or start all over again – biking, writing, theatre, cooking, painting, drawing, singing, gardening, travelling, etc not only give us creative satisfaction, they also make our lives more meaningful at a point when we reflect on our professional achievements and find a huge gap in our personal achievements.  Learning new skills and grooming our talent is always a nice thing to do to beat any kind of stress.

Looking back and forth

Sometimes, wallowing in nostalgia really cheers us up. Occasionally, looking at those old pictures, reliving the growing up years, recollecting the fun and foibles of our friends makes me remain connected with the past. When we look back, often we tend to compare “before”and “after” and judge them – I guess that should not be the way to do it. Just leave the past for what it was and let the present be what it is. I've backed on positive memories to deal with anxious, uncertain moments.

Learning from kids
Never forego an opportunity to learn from your kid, who could be in tweens or teens. Though parenting has been a remotely vicarious experience for me, I've discovered the joy of learning new things from my niece - her choice of books, music, sports, food and movies. It's refreshing to know about their perception of things around them rather than imposing our worldviews most of the time. The joy and happiness they show when we appreciate their taste for things is simply priceless.

Where is the time?
It’s a funny feeling all the time, we mostly seem to complain about the time fleeting away. Weekends are lost in a jiffy leaving us fretting and fuming about the things we could not do. Over a period of time, it makes us guilty about the books we are unable to read, about fitness and gym, about the friends we could not meet or simple chores that get missed. It’s never too late to complete them.

Did I hear someone say forgetfulness? Apparently, that’s another sign that you’ve joined the 40s clubJ 

Picture: courtesy: http://www.gogirlsgo.net/scout?q=Transition

Sugarfree, rich chocolate brownie and 'resistible temptations'

The sight of sumptuous 'snacks' on the evening flight was simply irresistible. A large chocolate brownie in a layer of warm-and-melting rich chocolate sauce, potato cutlet with curried paneer, a nice and fresh vegetable sandwich and some freshly made hot tea! What else does one need after a tiring day mostly spent travelling. I was hungry too; I found the snacks to be great accompaniments with the fun movie I was watching. 

After finishing the sandwich and the cutlet I wondered whether I should really go for the brownie - couldn't resist and gave in. All the same, a thought about the unwanted calories was making me feel slightly guilty now that I recently started on a fitness plan, on a serious note. As if this was not enough, my co-passenger who seemed to enjoy his snack suddenly realized he should cut down on sugar. 

He called the flight attendants and asked for some Sugarfree in his coffee. I found it amusing. I couldn't understand this not-so-elderly-gentleman insisting on Sugarfree while he was going easy on the chocolate brownie. I wondered how a little bit of sugarless coffee would help him balance the rich sugary high-caloried brownie, and cut down the calories if it's got to do with that! Is it like being penny-wise-pounds-foolish in weight loss jargon, I wondered! 

Well, to tell you the truth, I really don't bother about serious exercising, fitness regimes, diet plans or any of that kind of stuff - not because I get carried away by typical 'compliments' on my Facebook pictures, but ...either I'm too lazy to join a gym or it's simply something that doesn't get prioritized. Knowing well that this may not be the way to go as you add years to your life - occasionally I get into a little bit of Yoga and some stretching to go along with it. Though I might have 'looked the same after years' to my old friends but slowly and gradually the flab and the excess fat does get noticed and some 'symptoms' that demand some quick attention. Inevitable thing it is! Thus began my 'self-induction' program on topics like calories, cardio, abs, cross trainers, treadmills and so on.

Thanks to our sedentary life style and the lack of discipline, fitness topics are always hotly discussed and debated. It is so true to read ' sitting is the new smoking of our generation...' or celebrity-inspired bestsellers like 'Don't lose your mind lose your weight' and the plethora of TV shows on yoga, diet and fitness equipment. In fact, everybody seems to have an opinion on what works and what to eat. And, those slimming saloons that advertise with 'before-and-after' pictures must be contributing vastly to an industry that works mostly on its own terms and conditions! The commoditized weight-loss packages come with several conditions for lasting results - this is something I learnt interacting with my friends who enrolled for such programs. So how does one control weight by not getting caught in the commercial aspects and calories-based arithmetics? Is controlling weight the same as feeling fit? The former is about getting physical fit and the latter is more about feeling happy, confident, enthusiastic, energetic  etc  etc to do things, right?  

So, are there some things called ‘resistible temptations’?  Sounds paradoxical, doesn’t it? I’m sure there are whole lot of things that can be resisted. I had so many of them in front of me, when I was thinking about various options to stay fit. The feeling of ‘let-me-sleep-a-little-more’ after snoozing the alarm could be one of them. Or, simply keep procrastinating and enjoy the feeling that I'll do it some day, when time comes.  Or, let-me- skip-the –exercise-today-and –work-out-extra tomorrow’ could be another. Or, let me spend the whole day in front of the TV munching some snacks and go for a long walk tomorrow ! Or, let me not bother about what the physician has suggested and do my own things till something serious happens ! Or, Wait, wait, I'm not one of those who needs physical exercise, I used to be an athlete in my college’! Or, one last time today – will-enjoy-the-meal- and from tomorrow miss my meals to compensate. Or, a sudden inspiration to burn calories by rigorous training followed by complete inactivity. Or, enrolling in a hugely demanding fitness program and not following it up well – regretting it was money and not calories that got burnt! Or, keep adding to your wardrobe to accommodate the changing waistline.  Or, feel happy that you are a vegetarian and you’ll not have problems. Or... well, there could be so many more!

For me, it was like 'just do it', because too much of thinking is not good for health! In one of those moments when you get emotional about 'if I don't care about my health and fitness who else will' - I told myself that I'll work out in the way that suits me without denying  myself the pleasures of simple veggie food.

Given a choice I'd love to eat whatever I like without thinking or caring a bit for how many calories it has or how it adds to weight gain. A couple of years back I purchased the book "Don't lose your mind, lose your weight" more because it was available for half the price on a sale at Landmark. It was a latent desire perhaps...I was secretly longing to know what this size zero diet is all about! Now that I had bought the book, I skimmed through some pages and found some tips useful. For example, the author insisted on never having tea or coffee, in empty stomach first thing in the morning. I knew many people prefer to have their morning tea with biscuits or cookies. But I somehow never liked that combination. It would simply ruin the taste of the first tea of the day. I found my solution and it helps when you need to do lot of work in the morning. This is as far as diet is concerned. And what about physical activity, that burning-the-calories- type of stuff? For that too, I made a sound decision. And going ahead I feel I'll not think too much about how many calories the brownie will add and simply eat!