Tuesday, February 21, 2012

Time can heal, but can it fill a vacuum?

It is one of those typical evenings with my niece, Shreya
As usual,  full of energy, mischief and playfulness
She makes me realize how important it is
To be childlike and never lose that innocence

I hear her calling from the balcony, 'Maasi*!'
'Did you see those stars shining brightly, come here!'
I run towards the balcony along with her
She screams in excitement looking at the stars
(and I didn't find anything special about them)
'One of them must be naana*!' she exclaims
Immediately correcting herself
'No, how can it be naana?'
'Why?' I ask her
'No, naana's star must be in North India'
I ask her, 'why?'
Promptly she replies, 'coz he was born there'
Then I correct her, 'no, he was born in a village near Mysore'
'Okay, then he must be shining brightly near Mysore'

My mood got pensive at the thought of my father
But, brightened up with the little one's reasoning
For a moment I wanted to believe and live her imagination
And didn't want to correct her saying
'The stars remain at the same place no matter where you are'
Probably she was aware of this fact
But, her natural and instantaneous reaction
Was more believable than any scientific reasoning
How beautiful it was - to think of a local star for every human loss...

Later, I went to the balcony
Gazing at the stars, my thoughts go childlike
'I'm sure one of them must be my father'
'Why is it that I never looked at the sky whenever I wanted him'
I wondered ...
Thougths shifting between innocence and experience
Some of them simple and some convoluted
Longing for that pure, unadulterated imagination
Lost somewhere in the process of growing up
Constraining my 'free thinking' with the bounds of reason
Equating loss of life as physical loss
Dreadfully reminding me of how he suffered
How I missed his physical being
A void that no amount of memories would fill
Missed him every day, as days turned into months
And months turned into years
Soon it would be all of six years!

Now I look at the same star
Shining, twinkling now and then
As if telling me, 'why do you feel sad
Look at me and I'm always there for you
Guiding you and cheering you
And tell me now what's bothering you?'

*Maasi in Hindi means maternal aunt and *Naana in Hindi means maternal grandfather


1 comment:

Videhi Visali said...

"Why is it that I never looked at the sky whenever I wanted him" - best line!